Bullying is Human... Unfortunately

Good or bad, I think everyone has bullied and been bullied at some point in their life.

I think if any of us could turn back the hands of time, few of us would want to go back to grade 9.  Over the past few days there has been alot of discussion about Amanda Todd, the girl who committed suicide over being bullied.

While I think it is unfortunate that anyone at any age feels suicide is the only way out, I don't think any level of legislation is going to stop people from bullying each other.

Look at the dictionary.com definition of bullying:

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.



Based on this definition, my last blog on the mayor of Toronto could be considered bullying.  And not to defend myself, but how many people in Toronto have not said anything negative about the man?

Bullying, like fighting, is a primitive way of moving yourself up the social ladder - by putting someone down, you feel above them.

It moves us up the social ladder because (perhaps subconsciously) as a group, humans support bullying to a strong extent.

Think I'm off the mark with this statement?

Think of the success of:

- Insult comics
- Movies depicting 'dumb people'
- Celebrity Roasts
- Tabloids critiquing celebrities
- Politicians badmouthing each other debating

I'm not going to suggest that all of the above be banned or removed from the public eye... it wouldn't happen.  So legislating anti-bullying won't work either... sorry NDP.

So how do we support our youth?

It may not be able to be done solely in the classroom, but at some point we need to start teaching resilience (click here for 14 ways!).

It's not going to be easy, but it has been proven effective.

Sometimes 'ignoring' bullies is not enough - you have to stand up against them.  Sometimes, we need to help victims take a stand.

Was I bullied when I was young? Yes, I'm human.

Did I eventually learn to be resilient.  I sure did...

Did my resilience mean I never got bullied again? No, but I know I am better than them!

How do we teach resilience?

One day at a time.  It is not teachers, or parents, or volunteers at after school programs - it is all of us.  In my opinion it is done best through not coddling kids but encouraging 3 things:

1. Positive self-image (earned, not given)
2. Independent decision-making (let your kids make choices for themselves from time-to-time)
3. Self development (through sport, music, or other active hobby)


Maybe I'm wrong, it's happened once before, but I don't see bullying ever not existing - that is why we need to prepare people to stand up for their individuality.

Back to School!

I swear – even at 5 years out of school, those 3 words still hit me like a ton of bricks. It is the sign that summer is over, both in terms of freedom and weather.

And of course the return of exams and late-night studying…

Although the latter portion no longer impacts me, I think we all did enough of it that the thought of going back to it on a full-time basis would be a tough one.

To be optimistic though, I thought I would look back on my post-secondary education and consider which parts of it contributed to where I am today, and if I could, what I would change - or advice I would give to those just getting started.

Outside of the actual academics, I think when most people say ‘College’ images of pub nights and the fun times quickly emerge – weird how quickly the correlation of great pub nights and long late-night study sessions seems to have an obvious correlation now.

But think about it; the pub night social skills have prepared you well for the quick elevator chat that you have to make. Back then we were all on the same level – poor students. Now when I am in a situation with senior leaders, I try and think back to that – at the end of the day we are all just people; if we get along, who cares of social status?

You may not want to challenge your VP to a game of darts the first time you meet, and the language you may have used on pub night might not be appropriate anymore - but you get my gist.

The other thing that prepared me well for the ‘world of work’ truly was the co-op placements. Anyone who is still relatively a recent grad can tell you that there is ‘what they teach you in school’ and ‘how different workplaces do things’.

This can be something as simple as the terminology used – I remember the laughs that I got took when I first used the term ‘gap analysis’ – most places just say something like ‘do a review’ or ‘look at our options’… live and learn.

The other thing you find out is no one cares (too often) about where you went to school. You might get this impression at your graduation when the thousands of other students with the same degree cross that stage… and that is just your school. What employers (and your co-workers) care about is what you can do, and to similar extent ‘do you get along with everyone’.

You will become familiar with the phrase ‘hire for fit, train for skill’.

This is why I would encourage everyone to take advantage of internships and co-op placements that are offered through your school. Think about it – would you hire a graduate with a 4.0 GPA who has no work experience, or would you prefer a graduate with a 3.0 GPA and three (relevant) 4-month co-op placements?

In my opinion, a GPA is good – but experience is better. I would choose a B student that has some ambition and work experience than a straight academic any day.

Would I do anything different looking back?

Nah… I had a good time and so should you!

If you are just starting out on your post-secondary education (college or university) and want my advice though, it is this:

Get involved in the co-op placements or internships; but don’t forget about pub nights and other social clubs – this is the stuff that will wash away your memories of the late-night studying in the years to come... and wear sunscreen.

Enjoy the line-up at the bookstore!